Feeling Out of Control? Here's How to Settle into September

September for many often feels like a second January. The summer is over, routines are starting up again (or new ones are being built from scratch), and for a lot of us this can bring with it a sense of overwhelm. New schedules, new deadlines, new demands on our time. It’s no wonder that sense of being “out of control” creeps back in just as everybody else is telling you to feel refreshed and ready.

If this sounds familiar to you at the moment, please know that you’re not alone. I wrote some tried and tested ways to help you feel steady when feeling a little out of control. Try them to help you, as you settle back into routine.

Top tips for when you feel out of control. No more lying awake at night if you put some of these into action.

1 – Deep breaths/grounding

Taking a moment to pause and concentrate on your breath is so powerful. It can regulate the nervous system which calms down the heart rate and lets you think clearly. Grounding techniques can be a good option too. They help to stop your mind racing if finding it hard to pause. Look for and say out loud, 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. Or another technique is to do the same 5 to 1 exercise but looking for certain colours, 5 red objects you can see, 4 blue objects, 3 green etc.

2 – Write it down or articulate it to someone

The process of writing it out or speaking it aloud forces your brain to make sense of the internalised panic or racing thoughts. It forces you to be more rational and often there is a realisation that the actual situation has ‘grown’ or been exaggerated and catastrophised by the repetitive internalised thinking. This is why you often hear people saying things like – “it doesn’t seem so bad now I have said it out loud”.

3 – Control the controllables

This is all about reframing the situation. No one likes to feel out of control, it triggers the nervous system and causes the stress response to kick in. By understanding what you can control in the situation gives you a sense of comfort, and allows for realistic actions to move forward. If you're finding it hard to find things you can control, start with yourself. You can control what you choose to say, how to react, how you show up etc.

4 – What can you only influence?

By understanding that some things can only be influenced by you, and are not in your control, you free yourself from some of the pressure of the outcome. For example, making it clear to your team/boss what you are able to do, sends a clear message; not that you are shying away from responsibility, but that you are doing all you can for that situation and ultimately the decision/outcome is out of your hands.

5 – Outline the consequences

By being clear of the consequences, it is then up to the person who is in control of that decision to be responsible. This is particularly important when the outcome will have a direct impact on you. For example, someone is holding up a project that you need to be involved in or you are reliant upon to complete your section. Being clear on your needs around timelines and setting deadlines can also be critical.

6 – Limit input and stimuli

When you feel out of control your senses are often heightened (due to the activation of the stress response). This means that ordinary noises, sensations, smells or activities that could normally be tolerated may seem too much. Reduce email notifications, move away from your phone, turn off the news or find a quiet space. All this will allow you to focus on what is important and reduce the feeling of overwhelm.

7 – Ask for help, be honest

We often feel asking for help shows weakness, but being self-aware is a huge strength. Recognising when things are getting on top of you and speaking to someone means that not only will you get the support when you need it, but you are also demonstrating great leadership and psychological safety by talking things through. Leading by example will allow others to also ask for help without fear of judgment.

8 – Delegate to others

Relinquishing certain tasks gives you the space and time to work on or prioritise other important areas. This can be especially helpful when new routines are forming. Delegating also gives other people the chance of stepping up, developing or showcasing what they can do too.

9 – Self Care

Taking time for yourself when you are really busy can seem counter-intuitive, but in actual fact it will enable you to get more done. If you are in the right head space you will make fewer mistakes, make better decisions, be more creative and solve problems quicker. Take time throughout the day to reset and refocus.

You may have already heard or read about my 5 ways to mental fitness. These are 5 short/quick things you can do, sprinkled throughout your day, to re-energise, focus and reset you. Things like drinking some water, taking some deep breaths, look out the window and find something new, watch the clouds change shape, go for a walk, laugh at a friend's joke, smile at photos, write down 3 things you are grateful for, the list can go on and on.

We often under estimate the power of self care but it can really make or break a situation. So, whatever enables you to feel energised, happy or relaxed, whether you give my 5 ways to mental fitness a go or you visit the gym, connect with friends or go for a nap, remember self care is not selfish, it is vital.

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